Saturday, March 26, 2011

Managing almost-a-campaign is hard!

Best Idea EVER.  CPAC had a "get your picture taken with The Gipper" photo booth!  It looks so real.  I wish Reince Priebus would answer his phone every once in a while, I would tell him to put one at the Republican Convention.  He really could use some advice on how to honor Reagan more at these things, it's pathetic.  I mean, I would let the RNC run my documentary, Ronald Reagan, Rendevous with Destiny at a very reduced rate.

As you know, Diary, I'm acting as Newtie's kind of campaign manager, and it's been so hard.  Social media is just as bad as mainstream media.  First, my twitter account, MrsGingrich3, got deleted because Twitter said I was impersonating a celebrity, hellooo!  All I did was give advice to some twitter girlfriend that if she fell off her chair laughing at my twitter feed, she should stay down there until her husband said get up, because there might be some jewelry in it for her.   Professing is NOT the same as impersonating, TwitterFail!

And just to show you I know what I'm talking about, here's a sample tweet:

Yes, the URL was my idea.  #winning, duh!

And then Newtie deleted some old tweets, I mean why keep around reminders about Easter Candy and how fat Newtie used to be?  Besides, it's a matter of privacy.   The eggs I give and don't give to Newtie are 100% between me and Jenny Craig, and twitter can just stay out of it.

Newtie suggested we just go off of Twitter all together but I think it's like sort of running for President: it's kind of a pain, sure, but there is long-term marketing potential in it.  Besides, you can't be a leader without having lots of followers.  Over a million three, and that doesn't count Gingrich  Espanol, which was not my idea, but whatever.

Followup:  Great news!  We're back on Twitter, yay!

Follow MrsGingrich3 on Twitter

Sunday, March 20, 2011

What a life!

I'll never forget high school except I don't remember Seamus Puch at all. Cheri tried to kiss me senior year, I'm sure she's all about forced same sex unions now. As if that should be shoved down everyone's throat! Well, Cindi McCain says it should, but she's got Hollywood friends.

I'm posting this photo because I really think it's important to set the record straight that from the time I started seeing Newtie in 2004 it was me all the way. Certain so-called reporters want to say that he was seeing me "on the side" while he "publicly reconciled" with wife number two as he became Speaker of the House. Hellooo! If there was anything EXTRA-marital going on it was that extra wife of his. Even then I was known around the Hill as Newtie's "frequent breakfast companion." Can I help it if the love Newtie and I had for each other didn't fit our party's much-needed message of family values? Trust me, I converted Newtie to the Catholic faith as quickly as I could. And once you're a Catholic, it just doesn't matter how much you quote unquote "sin." That's what I always told Newtie and eventually he bought it, good for me and good for his immortal soul!

This was taken a few months before our marriage. Well, obviously, since after we got married I put a stop to his static sock cling, duh! We didn't have time before this party for any "Drill Here, Drill Now, Pay Less" or I would have noticed it. Also obviously this was taken after Newtie had divorced HER. Honestly, what kind of woman talks to Esquire, anyway? Isn't that a magazine for MEN? I'd say she was in that "funny joke from a beautiful woman" but number one, you've seen her, Diary, and number two, she isn't funny.

Quick reply to Minnie in Ames: Yes, that is me on the audiobook of "Drill Here." And yes it was a hoot.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Balancing work and rest on the campaign trail

Travelling is hard, especially SO far from home as Iowa. Iowa. Tne other day one of Newtie's interns made a joke about Green Acres and for a minute I wanted to pretend I was too young to remember that show, but then I realized it was important to clear the air on that mistake. "I don't like New York City," I said. I guess they see me now and think I must be all penthouse apartments and mink coats, but honestly, if any of those interns knew how I actually lived during the time when Newtie was Speaker, they would be shocked. Cramped and debt-ridden doesn't begin to describe it. That's why it's so important that we balance the campaign fundraising with knowing that it isn't actually a campaign yet. No point in putting that flea-ridden FEC horse behind the cart. It really is time to get the government out of the election process.

Finally found an esthetican out here, and when I found out the ONLY double certified doctor in ALL of Des Moines (really) is a Doctor Koch, I laughed and laughed. Newtie laughed, too, for a minute... and then he was on the phone with David for a couple minutes and hung right up. "No relation," Newtie said. "We'll bill it to the production company as usual."

I really like Doctor Koch. He totally understands that it's up to the patient as well as the doctor if we're going to have a successful facial journey. He is all about telling Newtie that I must pamper myself and be pampered after the office visit, and that RELAXATION is the most important aspect of a successful recovery! Also, I can't wear those St. John blouses or anything I pull over my head for six weeks. Relaxation, duh!

But quite frankly, it's hard to relax in Iowa. You know I went to college here, and I'm always afraid I'll bump into one of the basketball players from my alma mater. That party in the back of the away game bus is something I wouldn't want to get out, even though it was a bunch of us girls who did it, and we won the game, duh! It was good times and frankly, that center guard taught me most of what I know about relaxing my neck muscles, which sure is coming in handy during my post-office visit R and R. I seriously doubt I could swallow the pills if it wasn't for visualization.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Ralph Reed: A Girl's Best Friend

From last September:

So today we're once again in Iowa, and I still haven't written down how nice it was to meet up with Ralphie Reed. He and Newt have a lot of history together; he's such a sweet guy and really a great dresser.

Okay, Diary, I'm gonna bare it here: Ralph was the one who pulled me aside to advise me to change my clothes and hair a couple years ago. "Callie honey," he said, "you're an eleven dressing like a six. No one would ever know you're from Virginia."

At first I was really offended, but when he looked at me with his son-of-a-preacherman eyes, I knew immediately that he had been praying about this. So I listened. "Callie, there's a saying in the lobbying world: If you're gonna do the time, do the crime. If you're gonna be the red hot sexy blonde who's turned Newt Gingrich's visage to Rome, then for heaven's sake BE it. Own it, girlfriend! Even His Holiness wears red shoes!!!"

He took me shopping the next day (but I didn't buy red shoes because, you know, I aspire to be in a higher class of people than she aspires to be in, honestly!) and introduced me at lunch to his esthetician, Doctor Hakki. Really really nice. He has that Omar Sharif look to him, you know? Later I went to Dr. Hakki's office to begin a new facial journey but I want to make it clear, diary that I did not do the Brazilian Butt Lift, "full on the inside and tight on the outside" YET. I'm only 45, for crying out loud!

I'm so glad Ralph introduced me to Dr. Hakki. He was really great about working around my taping schedule for "America at Risk".

Wednesday, March 16, 2011


It's true I don't like going on O'Reilly Factor.  I always ask Hannity to send his hairdresser,  Kenney, to come over and do my hair.  BillO's hair guy Philipe was the one who, at the Kennedy Center Honors dinner, kept taking snapshots of all the wives while Bill would get in the shot and pretend to be doing something naughty behind them.  DISgusting.

I'm in a tizzy over these morality questions when Newtie ISN'T on FOX, even though Newtie says not to worry, they'll be over soon enough.  I told him I thought the whole world should be grateful I didn't stand up and tell them exactly how much I LOVE AMERICA.  How hard I have worked!  I've sacrificed more than rug burns on my knees for this country, I can tell you.  Six and a half years, hellooo!  And anyhow, what part of "the Pope said marrying your very devout Catholic mistress is fully approved by the Holy Roman See" do they not understand?  Cardinal Law's signature and everything, sheesh!

It WAS a bit awkward between Bill and Newtie after the interview, though.  Bill commented that my hair looked really nice, nothing out of place, and then he sighed under his breath "too bad."  Newtie smiled and made that little chuckle he does when he doesn't really think something is funny, and then told Bill he was hoping for a little snack before the interview, and did Bill know if there was any falafel in the green room?   Bill stood up, and I could see his cheeks got just a bit red under his significant pancake makeup.  He put his face down to my hear and said so Newtie could hear, "stay healthy, Callie."  and walked over to Mister Ailes. We didn't want to be in that conversation so we left.  There are actually days I wish I could wrinkle my brow a little bit, especially after Mr. Ailes picked the two CATHOLICS, Newtie and Rick, to leave the network.  What is up with that?

Anyhoo, after the Factor interview we went home and went over finances.

We're between a rock and a hard place.  No money currently coming in from FOX, and if we go at the campaign for real, we have to tell those pests at the Federal Election thingy every little project we're involved in.  As if!

Also, fundraising in Iowa is such a joke.  It's like they're all poor or something, and yet they think they are so entitled to every minute of our time!  I haven't had time for a single Restalyne shot, as if I could even find one down here on the farm.

Thank goodness Newtie figured out that we could self-insure through Gingrich Productions and write the whole medical thing off.  Like I was gonna pay Cobra or shell out actual dollars for my Lexapro?  Still have to do battle with the pharmacist at the Council Bluffs Walgreens, but once I've got an actual Blue Cross number, that should "chill her right out." as Newtie's daughter says (mistaken for twins all the time!).

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Welcome, fellow freedom lovers!

Lunch with Cindy today.  She wants me to do a NOH8 campaign but Newtie doesn't like the tape across the mouth look on me.

After lunch [news flash:  A Pink Lady without the grenadine won't stain your dental work] we shopped and exchanged safewords.  Cindy lied and said hers was "fiscal responsibility."  BFF!  Cracks me up.

So I told her I was going to make mine "Reagan" but you can't make a safe word something that gets your partner MORE excited, duh!   Sometimes when I want to get Newtie in the mood all I have to DO is say "liberty."

Anyway, after much consideration, we just made my safeword "Ginny Thomas."  Cindy said, "After Clarence's wife?  Oh yeah, that'll put an end to the fun time."  LOL!